This is my draft for biodata.
I am a 4th year student at Tokyo Institute of Technology,
I have joined variety of activities in university including environmental society (doing president from 2007) as well as abundant travel experiences mainly around
I has longed for working for UN some day. My current interests are international development and environmental policy and thinking of join internship at relevant NGO.
Alternatively, a bit more casual version are bellow.
I am a 4th year student at Tokyo Institute of Technology,
I have joined variety of activities in university as well including environmental society (doing president from 2007).
I do things in my own way. According to the voices of my friends, I am a confident, friendly, inquisitive, rational, reflective person. My hobbies are sports, movies, traveling, taking photos and karaoke.
My current interests are international development and environmental policy and long for working for UN some day.
Which do you think is better? Do you have any comments?
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6 comments:
I made third one which is more casual.
I am a fourth year student at Tokyo Institute of Technology, Japan and major in chemical engineering. I am now studying at NUS as an exchange student.
I am always seeking stimulation and joy and love to get into new environments. Basically, I am practical person but idealistic at the same time.
I do things in my own way, hate following others and am streaky. When I have time, I get energy by sports, karaoke (Rock!), movies and traveling. I dare to die without these things.
After all, I would like to enjoy my life as much as possible by my own way.
Hi Kazu,
I think the second one is better. But it depends on who you are writing for. If you are applying for a job, a formal one would be more appropriate.
And maybe you can have smoother transitions when talking about different points. For example, when you wrote about where you study, you suddenly talked about part time job.
You can write something like "While studying, I had taken up part time jobs, such as ..."
From your first biodata, it can be seen that you are a very active person and a person who is also unafraid of experiencing new things.
Your second biodata shows people more about you as a whole and not just your extra-curricular activities; it gives a broader depth of you.
I agree with Teresa that it is dependent on who your target audience is, as to which biodata is more suitable and if it is for a job application, then it also depends what type of environment that company has.
Hello Kazu!
I think the 3rd one is more interesting and causes me to read on. However, the 2nd one is more complete and credible. As for the 1st one, it makes you sound like a person with great vision.
The three versions are all good but each would be suitable on different occasions. Personally, I would prefer the 2nd one because of its completeness. The 3rd one, though interesting, gives a slightly negative impression about you because of the strong word ‘hate’.
Dear Kazu,
The 2nd biodata is better. This is because out of the three biodata, the 2nd biodata can connect the best with people. Most causal readers would perfer the 2nd biodata.
The first biodata through formal lacks a central theme.
Hi,all.
Thank you for all of your comments.
Especially Teresa and Sheila,who gave me concrete advise.
I rally appreciate the comments about the nuances of each word, sentences or whole paragraph that I use since they cannot be obtained by dictionaries.
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